Five Things I had to Re-evaluate In Order to Grow

1. Procrastination

What was I spending my time on? Most of the time I would know what I needed to do in order to become better, but felt stuck in a cycle of doing what felt comfortable. Instead of rising myself to the occasion and putting myself in an uncomfortable position of changing, I allowed myself to stay trapped in my everyday cycle. There were so many things that I knew I wanted to work on whether it was mental, physical, spiritual, or emotional. I knew my faults, but allowed myself to be a victim and claimed the ultimate excuse ‘that’s just who I am,’. But, in order to change, you have to believe that you have the power to alter who you are. I spent so much time sitting in my room playing video games and watching tv. Granted those things are good for relaxation, but on a constant everyday cycle you can trap yourself into believing that’s all you can do. I started to force myself to do more, even when I didn’t want to.

2. Consistency

My consistency of doing a routine, trying to change up what I was doing was always off. I would work really hard (mediating, journaling, working out, reading) and then I would get extremely tired and just quit. The best thing you can do to change your routine into a growth routine is by taking things slowly. Make tasks for yourself that at first may not be comfortable, but are easy. Then, when you feel comfortable, add more. Not everything happens overnight. I would hate myself for not finishing this or that and forget about all the goals I accomplished that day. Focus on making small steps toward a goal, wish or dream.

For example: if you want to be able to identify more triggers so that you can learn how to cope with them better, journaling is a huge way to evaluate what set you off on what day. You don’t have to write out every detail. You can write a few sentences, how you felt, what happened, and what you did out of reaction to that trigger. Everyone is different so if you don’t like writing: vlog it (record yourself talking about the situation), paint or draw it (doodling in a creative way can even help you cope with that situation), or do a voice recording. These are all valid options. And if that feels like too big of a goal, don’t do it everyday. Do it every few days or every week. Once that feels comfortable then you can move on to more consistency.

3. Communication/Support System

When I felt overwhelmed or depressed, I would self isolate. I didn’t communicate my feelings appropriately. I would self internalize. It led me to a downward spiral of shoving my feelings down to avoid involving another person or I just felt like no one would understand. But, the more I internalized, the more the pain would build, creating a deeper and darker version of myself that people started to notice externally. Not only did I do this, I didn’t allow myself to feel what was wrong. I wanted it to just go away and as much as feeling bad hurts, not feeling anything leads to longer and harder feelings in the long run.

Openly communicating your feelings allows them to become real. We are human, we are supposed to feel things and avoiding them only makes them stronger. I realized that when I started to open up and share my vulnerability with people I trusted, I started to feel better. Venting or communicating what feels wrong in a relationship allows for a solution or even validation that what you are feeling is okay. This helps the process to begin emotionally being tapped into what you're feeling in order to release it. Being able to be open about your feeling to someone you trust or having a supportive group of people is the stepping stone to processing your feelings on your own. Most people just want someone to listen.

4. Power of My Words

Recognizing how much power the tongue has and how much words can make or break me helped me grow. I would spend so much time thinking about my problems and groveling over what was wrong with me or wrong with the situation I was in. I never had any positive thoughts, because it all felt like bullshit to me. Most people spend their time thinking about what they don’t have or what they need to do in order to be happy instead of being happy in the situation they’re in. I struggled to just think about the things I was genuinely grateful for. I never realized how much support, strength, accomplishment, etc. I had within myself because I never seemed to notice it.

Perspective of the mind will create a huge shift in your life. I had constant anxiety about the what ifs and constant depression about the person that I was. I could never seem to focus on the present moment and really be overcome by how far I’ve come as a person and how dedicated I was to seeing progress for the future. I stopped that negative stream of thoughts and forced myself to see all the good standing in my life that I was overlooking.

5. Comparing myself to others

I had a huge issue with comparing my accomplishments, looks, material wealth, and relationship to other people. I became obsessed with what other people had and what I didn’t. I never realized that everyone’s life and progress is different despite how much the media says ‘you have to do this before this age.’ Compared to others, my life may seem amazing or absolutely terrible. It’s generally all on perspective. I hated that I didn’t have my shit together like this person or this person and based all of this on social media.

But, everyone is figuring life out on their own time and in their own way. Nobody is exactly like you, so how could you possibly compare your life to theirs? It’s nearly impossible, but still we do it anyway. When I started focusing on my life and what I needed to or felt that I needed to work on and stopped comparing, I started to see results. You are your own worst enemy. Life isn’t about competing with others, it's about testing your limits and battling yourself to become a better person everyday. Once you start focusing on your progress and tracking it, you’ll notice how far you’ve come in comparison to what you had or were before.